2006 post "The Breakup"

Chapter 8-The breakup

   First of all i don't know what a blog is.  It's been rumored that the breakup is an appropriate title to give the separation between two non-fully committed persons because the defined relationship as they know it is broken.  This signifies that the understanding they have as to what they are is ruptured.  Nine times out of ten it is one person that has made the decision that they aren't happy with the relationship, circumstances that revolve around them, or the harsh one; they aren't satisfied with their partner and think they can do better. 

What's the proper way to react when you're getting broken up with?  Let's discuss two possible scenarios.  One, you get bitter and upset.  This only reiterates to the breakor that he/she is justified in ending the relationship, and makes them want to get out of there asap.  Second, you stay calm, confident and understanding.  Instantly the breakor will see that you know what you have to offer is valuable and that loosing you is their loss.  Telling the breakor that you are sorry and that they deserve better often is salt in the wound.  Advantages in the latter of the reactions helps soften the blow to you as the breakee and will help maintain future friendly encounters with the breakor. This will also increase the level of respect to which you are held by the breakor and everyone else he/she associates with.

Now what's the proper way to break up with someone?  We've already discussed three reasons for which you might want to break up with someone.  First and foremost make 100% sure that you fully intend on not dating the person any longer.  If you're not happy with the relationship then make sure you tell them all the ways that you expected them to act.  Hopefully this isn't the first time they've heard what you're expectations are.  In order to have a healthy relationship in the first place you really shouldn't have any expectations to begin with because everyone brings something unexpected to a relationship and they shouldn't be penalized for preconceived notions you might have.  Make sure to tell them why you don't want to date them.  You hopefully care enough about the person to want what's best for them so by telling them the problems they'll know what to work on for their next relationship.  If the problem is circumstances revolving the relationship then it's most likely bad timing.  Explain why it's bad timing.  If the problem is your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't good looking enough then lie through your teeth to their face.  No one should have to hear this.  You're the mentally handicap one who started dating them in the first place so it's your fault.  You've dug your own grave and good luck on getting out.  In most cases where this is the problem, you'll get the famous Costanza, "it's not you... it's me." 

Be careful not to fall for the good responses listed earlier cause if you're not careful you'll get sucked right back into dating them and then three days later you'll be faced with bringing up the same conversation.  You may get lucky however and they actually learn and try to do their part, and if you're willing to do yours well then by golly...you've got something you may want to hold on too.

This last part is a little sketchy but for the first little bit, it's been the case with my relationships as well as my friends.

2006 post about moving on after the break-up

hi,

 The targeted subject for tonight will be moving on after the breakup due to request.  However I will break it down into two sections.  One getting over him/her, and second moving on after.  Moving on after a breakup regardless of the length of time you were dating can be quite trying for all parties involved.  We discussed in chapter 8 the different possiblities for a breakup.  So in the relationship you will either be a. the breakor, the one who saw reason for a separation or b. the breakee, the one who was broken up with.

Being the breakor really puts you in a powerful situation where you have the ability to call the shots.  You will most likely have the option on whether or not to return back to the breakee and continue dating.  You also have the option of whether or not you see the breakee and how often.  Carelessness with this power can be hazardous to the breakee because if you call them and/or see them they often can mistake this gesture as you wanting to date again.  Be extra careful about kissing or any form of intimacy with the breakee which could lead to another long redundant conversation.  You have to be careful because what might not be a big deal to you can be misread and misinterpruted.  The breakor must realize that the heart of the breakee may still be on the line.  Closure was probably not realized for him/her.  Try putting yourself in their shoes and realizing that you would love to keep dating.

Being the breakee means that most likely you haven't closed off completely all feelings associated with your ex.  You were broadsided unexpectedly and never really were able to see where you thought your relationship had potential to go.  This sucks pretty bad because you have a lot of unanswered questions and would do anything to have things back to the way they were.  You must be careful not to let the breakor take advantage of their state of power.  Use extreme caution in answering phone calls and especially in hanging out with him/her.  One must come to the realization that it's over and in order to move on relations must cease to a significant degree.

With this briefly said now comes the point of moving on.  The benefit of dating someone for an extended period of time is that it helps you realize the character traits you really hope your future mate possesses.  Taking your time before getting back into another relationship is normal and encouraged, but a too lengthy time period or never fully recovering can make you less desirable to the opposite sex.  One thing to look out for is the lame rebound, unless it is previously understood and both parties understand the ramifications behind the hook-up.  Regretting an action of impulse is best to be avoided.  The best piece of advice for both parties is that time heals all wounds.  The sooner you move on, the better off and happier you'll be.  You deserve better and better is out there and waiting for you.  All you have to do is go and find it.

A Guide to Women

I thought the world should gain access to my 2007 brain, here it is.

K it's easy.

Girls fall into three categories for guys:

1. A Chick, otherwise known as a girl. No disrespect is meant. In context sentence: My sister is the coolest chick in the world.

2. A Trick, good-looking daughter of God that won't go out with him, or date him more seriously. In most cases each guy actually has three to four tricks that he is chasing. This term is implemented when the guy is frustrated with the way things are going and he feels as though things won't progress to the level desired. 9 times out of 10 you sly girls have just used the guy repeatedly for the free food and ok conversation. Sometimes you are mean and just enjoy the fact that someone likes you and you don't want to give that up. Not cool...not cool. In context sentence: I took that trick out 8 times and I have no idea what else to do.

3. A Switch, a girl that thinks she's hot. Sometimes actually is semi-good looking but her knowing that makes her unattractive. They are passionately hated. Sometimes they actually initiate conversation with guys and then run to their girlfriends and act all bent out of shape because that guy over there just hit on them. May switches die slow deaths with the cancer received from the constant orange glow they have in December. In context sentence: That stupid switch ended up being friends with that trick who stole that wallet from that one chick. Jk the real in context sentence: That switch hit on me, gave me her number and then never texted me back.

Now you know. It's up to you to dictate which category you fall into with which guy. May you choose your category carefully for once you are labeled by a guy...you are always known by that title.

Hope

Esperanza=Hope. What is it? Why does it exist? Is it a figment of our imagination? If there are doctors out there who can prescribe pills that act as placebos, then doesn't the same exist mentally with the idea of hope? I mean this in the sense that we can override the hopelessness and put ourselves in an improved mental state.

So bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people, people like you and me. If something unfair happens to us, it can shake our faith. So being good people, are we supposed to forgive, forget, and act like nothing happened? Do bad people have bad things happen to them? Or is this process the way by which good people become bad? I'm realizing that loosing faith in mankind due to bad experiences will inevitably turn a good person bad if bad things keep occurring or if the severity of the bad thing is extreme.

I see myself as a good and happy person. One who won't let others determine my happiness. Sure, happiness is relative, especially if something bad recently happened to you, but with time, you can dare to hope again. For this is the only true way people can heal and improve their situation, which is the best way to live. Survive, and push on.

It doesn't really matter what our trials are, we have to pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off, and keep going. For instance, I am the type that needs to heal as I walk. As much as it might help to pick myself back up, heal, and then start walking, I need the walking in order to heal. I need to feel like there is a reason to heal, and me walking towards it will allow me to heal.

Moral of the story, as much as you might feel you lose hope, you haven't, you've just lost sight of it. As frustrating as it seems, and as hopeless as you may feel, time will fix your problems. I feel like the best way to be is to be the type of person who is proactively doing something to better your situation. How can we proactively wait? It's oxymoronic in its sense.

Here's to hope. If we must patiently wait to obtain it, let's do so proactively.

Peace.