2006 post about moving on after the break-up

hi,

 The targeted subject for tonight will be moving on after the breakup due to request.  However I will break it down into two sections.  One getting over him/her, and second moving on after.  Moving on after a breakup regardless of the length of time you were dating can be quite trying for all parties involved.  We discussed in chapter 8 the different possiblities for a breakup.  So in the relationship you will either be a. the breakor, the one who saw reason for a separation or b. the breakee, the one who was broken up with.

Being the breakor really puts you in a powerful situation where you have the ability to call the shots.  You will most likely have the option on whether or not to return back to the breakee and continue dating.  You also have the option of whether or not you see the breakee and how often.  Carelessness with this power can be hazardous to the breakee because if you call them and/or see them they often can mistake this gesture as you wanting to date again.  Be extra careful about kissing or any form of intimacy with the breakee which could lead to another long redundant conversation.  You have to be careful because what might not be a big deal to you can be misread and misinterpruted.  The breakor must realize that the heart of the breakee may still be on the line.  Closure was probably not realized for him/her.  Try putting yourself in their shoes and realizing that you would love to keep dating.

Being the breakee means that most likely you haven't closed off completely all feelings associated with your ex.  You were broadsided unexpectedly and never really were able to see where you thought your relationship had potential to go.  This sucks pretty bad because you have a lot of unanswered questions and would do anything to have things back to the way they were.  You must be careful not to let the breakor take advantage of their state of power.  Use extreme caution in answering phone calls and especially in hanging out with him/her.  One must come to the realization that it's over and in order to move on relations must cease to a significant degree.

With this briefly said now comes the point of moving on.  The benefit of dating someone for an extended period of time is that it helps you realize the character traits you really hope your future mate possesses.  Taking your time before getting back into another relationship is normal and encouraged, but a too lengthy time period or never fully recovering can make you less desirable to the opposite sex.  One thing to look out for is the lame rebound, unless it is previously understood and both parties understand the ramifications behind the hook-up.  Regretting an action of impulse is best to be avoided.  The best piece of advice for both parties is that time heals all wounds.  The sooner you move on, the better off and happier you'll be.  You deserve better and better is out there and waiting for you.  All you have to do is go and find it.